BASTED!!!

"i can never teach him to love the way i wanted to be loved. i have to wait for him to do it in his own way at his own time. that's the saddest part of being me... but he can never teach me to love him back the way i did before if i grew tired of understanding and fed up waiting to be appreciated and loved the way i deserved. that's the saddest part of being an insensitive guy like him...." yeah right!!!

nov.27- 30 minutes before our shift ends, my college friend jam texted me saying she's in market2. so i asked her to meet me at the entrance of my work place. nothing could have prepared me for what i saw. it was the first time we were gona see each other after seven years. jam was absolutely drop dead gorgeous. she was really hot. there wasn't any single trace of masculinity in her. i couldn't believe that the last time i saw him, he was wearing this funny boy hair cut and he had soft hair all over his face. i thought i was looking at a local celebrity, rica peralejo. so i introduced her to my friends marix and Joop. and we decided to have lunch at gerry's so we could catch up. turned out that marix's cousin was jam's office mate so everybody got along easily. jam and i talked about everything that had happened for the last seven years. we talked about everybody we knew back in college, their whereabouts, what has become of them. we had great laughs reminiscing. even marix and joop couldn't believe that this beautiful lady in front of them used to be a boy. we parted ways about 3:30pm. jam and i decided to go out come sunday night. joop and i dropped marix at her place. today joop wasn't feeling that well. maybe because of the weather. when i got out of the shower, he was already in bed all covered up..... i went to sleep hoping he'd be fine come morning time.





nov.28- glad joop was feeling better. maybe it was just the lack of sleep that caused him not to feel well. we went to work. after shift, i asked jamaica to wait for me cause sevigny and i went through her apartment listings. we tried to contact some of them and there were a few good prospects in the vicinity of market2. it took us about an hour and jamaica was really pissed off by the time i got to them at mcdonalds. so i took them out for lunch to keep up to him. we ended up at hapchan with klaus and sevigny as well. then we went to look for this place somewhere in taguig. unfortunately, it wasn't that good. so joop and i decided we'd look somewhere else. we went home. right before going to sleep, joop asked me to brush his hair. i did. i can't remember how it started, but i found my self asking him what's the chance that we'd be an item... after a lot of blah blah blah... it boiled down to one thing. that all he can offer was his friendship, beyond that was absolutely out of the question. he even told me that it's my choice to love him and that he's got the right to choose not to reciprocate. what the fuck is wrong with me?





nov.29- thursday. work was fine. same boring routine. i was really starting to think i wasn't fit for this job. mentally and technically unfit. patience has never been one of my virtues. but i guess i gota start working on that one. after shift, we decided to go to mamzer's house. we had lunch and had about 5 bottles of red horse mucho. marix, maja, anna, me and joop. jomz took off early, something about a girl or whatevz. so mamzer and maja already knew my thing for joop. but i just gave them smirks everytime they asked me about it. so when the booze was all gone, anna was so focused browsing the net. mamzer gave me and marix a tour of her place, and we left joop and maja at the table talking about who knew what?... so when we reached mamzer's bedroom marix threw herself on the bed, mamzer joined in, i found a chair by the door. so again we started talking about marix's ex bf. and mamzer shared her views on the matter. and she talked about her past and present relationships too. until maja walked in and gave us this funny face, and told us how joop can talk... marix and i laughed. cause we already knew what a talker joop was, especially when drunk. and he really loves talking about his lovelife and his child out of wedlock. for fuck's sakes. i'd give anything not to hear that story again. joop and i reached my place and found the door was locked and nobody was home. i never really carried my own keys cause the maid was always home. unfortunately not as always as i thought. i tried calling my little brother joe and her girlfriends's phone but both were out of reach. after about 15 minutes of waiting i decided to go down to buy us some drinks. i left joop seated by the door. i baught a bottle of C2 and some cupcakes. when i got back i saw joop standing by the hallway window looking so pale and sick and i just knew he was about to throw up. i went to him and asked what's wrong. he said he felt dizzy and couldn't breathe. i opened the C2 and gave it to him. i was about to call the guardhouse and ask for help so i could take joop to the hospital, when he started throwing up. i was so scared, not knowing what to do, i was about to cry. then he faced me with this big smile on his face and said, i'm sorry. it turned out, while i was gone buying the snack, he felt bored that he started doing some push ups and jogged. the sudden stop that he made, made him feel dizzy and all. son of a bitch!!! when i was sure he was okay, i went back to the store to get a bottle of water. when i got back, he was already inside. my brother has arrived from the supermarket. i took joop to the bedroom. he told me that my brother asked him who puked. and he actually answered, us! "come on i'm really embarrased." with that devilish grin on his face. i let him lie down for a bit and i went looking for a mop so i could clean up his mess. i wasn't about to ask my brother's maid to clean it for me. there was already too much humiliation on my part. i really didn't want to add insult to it. it was really the first time i cleaned somebody else's puke, i wanted to cry. as marix said after hearing the story, the things you do for love!!!



nov.30- work went fine. we talked about joop's stupid act the whole day. we went home early as well. i actually can't remember if we had a lunch out this day. joop and i talked about the apartment that we're gona look for, till we drifted off to sleep.



dec.1- after work, jamaica accompanied us to look for the vacant apartment near her place. marix joined us as well. it was situated at the second floor of a building that according to jamaica was used by militaries as barracks way back. we were moving upstairs when joop, marix and i exchanged these funny looks on our faces. there was no way in hell i was going to live in a place like this. trash was everywhere. the hallway was poorly lit, and very narrow. when we jamaica opened the door, i just couldn't help thinking how in the hell someone could live here? the ceiling was too low, the stairs to the 2nd floor was so narrow. and the comfort room was just a tiny room without any comfort in it. we turned it down. marix, joop and i went back to market2 to get a cab. we went to makati to look for this studio type unit at my friend ian's place in jp. rizal. the furnishing wasn't done yet but the owner told us it could be done in a week if we were in a rush. marix liked the place. i did too, plus the fact that i will be living near ian and kathy excited me. the problem came when we asked joop what did he think about it. funny that he came up with the negative things first, like it was so near the highway, so it will probably be noisy with all the cars that passes by. so we went for the unit in the middle, and he started computing all the expenses, you can just tell by the look on his face how skeptical he was. by this time, i didn't know that marix was starting to get pissed off by his behaviour, and mine. so we told the owner we were gona talk to billy, cause he will be moving in with us, before we make a final decision. so we went to RCBC plaza to talk to billy. he was in the middle of his job orientation but he came down to talk, i really dig this guy. so we explained the set up, that we were gona divide all the expenses among the three of us. that we could move in, in a week. and billy just said yes to evrything. then all of a sudden, joop started talking about this place where his cousin "apparently" lives, and that he's been planing to move in with this cousin. he compared all things between if he lived with us and if he lived with his cuz, each point stressing how beneficial it will be for him if he lived with his cousin instead. at this point, the realization finally came to me, how stupid i've been the last 6 weeks. all i can hear was marix's voice, "why the hell are you moving out? you're living in your own house, all you have to do is eat and sleep once you got home. you got a maid doing everything for you. you're just being silly, and you have to stop!" and she was right. okay, maybe all i ever wanted was to help joop. so he could have someone to shoulder the expenses. but i might have gone too far that i didn't know i was already hurting his pride. i just heard billy telling joop that it will be better then if he lived with his cousin instead. i could see on billy's face tha he was pissed off too. given we've talked about this matter since our traning days. so billy and i decided we'd talk about it sometime over the week. joop and i went home to my place. while in the cab i received a text from billy- "you've got to stop. you don't deserve to be treated this way. i'm sorry, but this is how i feel." and i replied that indeed, no matter how real you're feelings for someone, the heart gets tired of waiting. and at this moment, i got tired. so when we reached home, i fixed him dinner, and he started acting troubled. he was calling people on his mobile, asking them how his girlfriend knew that he has a child. apparently he didn't inform her girlfriend about his 3-month old daughter, and she somehow learned about it. but then i was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted from all the day's events that i couldn't even bring myself to listen to what he was telling me. or maybe, i just didn't want to talk to him anymore. i was bitter, i was hurting, for crying out loud. after eating i went straight to the shower, and when it was his turn, i went to bed and covered my self. i wanted to sleep and never wake up.



dec.2- after work, mamzer, maja, marix and i went to the foodcourt to have lunch. tony joined us later. mamzer was bragging about this pancit and kinilaw from one of the restos there. and it was really delicious. mamzer asked about joop, i just told her he wanted to go home early. marix gave me this funny look. i already told her about joop's problem with his girlfriend. marix and i already had a plan to go to timog tonight. mars, a guy reffered to her by our friend rose was supposed to take her out. i was going to join them since i'll be meeting my friend jam somewhere in timog later that night. we went home after lunch. as much as i wanted to go to sleep so i could rest, i just couldn't get joop out of my mind. everything that has happened has sunk in. i guess at this point, i was already in the acceptance stage. i'm pretty sure he was the last thing on my mind right before i dozzed off. two hours later, marix called me up. so mars couldn't make it. but we really wanted to go out. marix came to my place, and waited for me while i was getting fixed up. we decided to go to metrowalk instead. i was going to worry about jam later. so there we were at bacolod's chicken, two tired souls who couldn't even decide what to ask for dinner. mamzer all of a sudden texted us informing she was in metrowalk, at the resto right across to where we were. she invited us to her table and introduced us to her friends. they were all nice and very accomodating. there were only six of us, but there were about 5 or 6 buckets of beer. it was like the last day of san mig light. we had fun talking about lots of stuff, taking pictures, lots of pictures. but then we were really tired that we decided to go home early. we left 8 untouched bottles of sanmig lights at the table. i called jam on our way home. fortunately, she was already in a motel room with some guy she met at their xmas party. lucky bitch!!!